Volunteering with Young Life ONE, I've often heard that building relationships with teens can be a slow process.
Take Jenny, for instance—I knew her for six years before she began to warm up to me. It took countless volleyball games, class presentations, and invites for coffee, as well as several camp trips, before she felt comfortable enough to trust me.
Jenny's story isn’t unique. Many of the teens we work with have faced challenges such as foster care, homelessness, or trafficking. Our team knows the importance of consistently showing up to earn their trust. That time invested is crucial; it shows these teens that we’re here to stay, and I’m grateful for every moment.
Research indicates that just one caring, reliable adult can significantly influence a teen's long-term outcome, especially for those who have experienced adversity. That adult could be you. In fact, you might already know a teen who could benefit from your support.
Here are three specific steps you can take to make a difference:
Create a Safe Space
One of the most pressing needs for teens is to feel safe. At Young Life ONE, we see students return week after week because they know they can be themselves in a supportive environment. You can create a similar atmosphere at home—offer snacks, provide a quiet space for relaxation, and be ready to listen without judgment. Help them feel a sense of belonging, knowing they can come to you when they’re feeling stuck or scared.
Understand Unmet Needs
Often, behaviors we label as “bad” are actually expressions of unmet needs. Instead of reacting to behaviors, try to identify the underlying feelings or desires. As someone who supports teens with various challenges, it’s important to discern the root causes of their actions and not take things personally. Sometimes, their words can hurt, but it's essential to process those feelings without placing blame on them. Show them that your support is unwavering, no matter how they act.
Practice Emotional Self-Regulation
Becoming a safe space for others requires self-awareness and emotional regulation. Take the time to meet your own needs, identify your triggers, and find healthy ways to manage your emotions. Build a support network that you can rely on when you need a break, and establish boundaries that you can maintain calmly. Strive to be a safe space yourself, embodying the qualities you wish to see in others.
This work is not easy. It demands effort and commitment, but it is also incredibly rewarding. It brings us closer to God and to one another, aligning with the spirit of Jesus' ministry, which emphasizes second chances.
So, be the person who offers a teen a second chance—or however many chances it takes. Your presence could profoundly impact a young person’s life, making all the difference in their journey.