Parents often face significant challenges when discussing sensitive subjects with their teenagers. Concerns range from social media and mental health to their children's future and safety. Despite these worries, many parents struggle to initiate meaningful conversations.
A recent survey by Gallup and the Walton Family Foundation highlighted that while parents are deeply concerned about their teens' futures, school experiences, and mental health, they also find these topics difficult to address. Psychologist Lisa Damour, who contributed to the research, shared insights on how parents can navigate these conversations more effectively.
Let Your Teen Lead the Conversation
"Allow your teen to bring up difficult topics," advises Damour. "Often, teenagers discuss their friends' issues around us. If your teen mentions a friend's mental health struggles, show interest and gently ask, 'If you had a concern like that, would you feel comfortable talking to me about it?' This approach opens the door for them to share their own thoughts."
Avoid Sneak Attacks
Damour warns against sudden, unplanned conversations. Instead of launching into a difficult topic, try saying, "I’ve been thinking about the upcoming school year and have some ideas. Could we talk about it now or sometime soon?" Providing a heads-up gives your teen time to prepare mentally.
Don’t Be Discouraged by Eye Rolling
Teenagers often use eye rolling as a way to assert their independence. If your teen rolls their eyes when you set a boundary, such as advising against drinking at a party, take it as a sign they’ve heard you. Eye rolling can be their way of processing your input.
Keep Conversations Brief
Long discussions about sensitive subjects can overwhelm teenagers. Damour suggests keeping these conversations to about 45 seconds to a minute. Remember, these talks are not one-time events but ongoing dialogues that evolve as your teen grows and their interests change.
Approach Social Media with Curiosity
Social media can be a particularly tricky topic. Damour points out that teens often feel adults don’t understand or dislike social media, which can shut down the conversation before it begins. To bridge this gap, approach the topic with curiosity: "Share your thoughts on social media with me. What do you like about it? What don’t you like? How have you tried to address the downsides, and how can I support you?"
Focus on Listening, Not Advising
The survey reveals that teens are less interested in receiving advice and more in being heard. They want their parents to listen and take their feelings seriously. Make an effort to understand their perspective rather than offering solutions right away.
By adopting these strategies, you can foster more effective and supportive conversations with your teen, helping them navigate their challenges and feel heard in the process.